Enough is enough
Enough smiling and nodding
Enough turning the other way
Enough distance from my darling daughter
Enough painting me as a villain
Enough with your fake facade
Enough with the famous baseball player theatrical performance
Enough bull shit
Enough is enough
Anger is not an emotion I feel toward you anymore.
Hatred takes energy and you are no longer worth my energy.
Sadness is exhausting, relative to what you've stripped away from me.
Malice is something no one should bear.
Vengeance is a form of evil in my opinion.
I'm past all those negative emotions. I'm past expending any energy toward you.
You know why? Because I am worthy of more. I am worthy of more.
I write this letter with one objective. To have closure and to be free. In order to have closure I must come to terms with the past. To have freedom I must let go and be truthful about my story. So that's what I'm going to do. Because I'm tired of being silent and putting on a happy face. Enough is enough.
While I'm tired of the hatred and I'll-will that bombards me. I am more tired of hiding. Of being voiceless. Of passively letting time pass me by. What I've come to realize is that silence is a form of acceptance. Acceptance of the narrative that is told. Acceptance of the fictional stories and judgements about my character. I am not weak. I need to set the record straight for my own moral and ethical compass.
I divorced you for a reason. To get out. To get out from under a suffocating, painful situation that robbed me of my independence and agency. So you know, publically shaming me doesn't hurt anymore. Whatever twisted satisfaction it used to give you (or still does for all I know) does not get to me anymore. I am out. I tapped out of this game. Im no longer in the boxing ring. You will no longer throw punches at me, you will no longer dance around me doing some ridiculous egotistical paternalistic chest-pounding victory lap celebrating your perceived strength. You don't get to throw punches of insults and watch me bleed. I'm out of the ring. I'm outside looking in. What you don't realize is you have turned into a monster and it is no longer fair. You are punching the air. Whatever you choose to say about me from now on will only hurt you now. You no longer get to hurt me. Your big fancy gloves and strong muscle are your only partners in your fucked-up crime now. You swing for me and you'll miss, because I'm not yours to punch. Punching the air with such force will only come back around to hurt you. You had your rounds with me. You were playing in the wrong league all along.
You see when I first naively got into the ring with you, when I choose to start the fight.. I thought you recognized the art-form and the delicate nature of the sport. I thought you saw it as a fair game. One with rules, compromise, and respect. But no, you were playing in a different game. One of manipulation. One that belongs elsewhere. One that belongs elsewhere. Not in the stadium with rules made to be twisted and broken. You don't get to paint some picture that you're the hero whose sad mean wife left him. You don't get to play the lost, confused puppy-dog card. That's not fair. Most people, when they listen to their gut, know that politicians and insurance salesmen are usually good at their job for a good reason. They often put on a fabricated happy veneer that masks something else. Something that can't quite be named but certainly can't be trusted. The plastic smile, the glossy eyes, the insincere attempts to be genuine. You see, when a picture looks too perfect there's usually something behind the scene that's really wrong. You and I both know something was really wrong with our relationship, and I escaped to preserve myself. I escaped and left a situation you never thought possible. I did it for a reason. I deserve to move on. You deserve to move on.
No one deserves pointless pain
No one deserves to have their identity questioned
No one deserves to be told they need prayer condescendingly in line at the grocery store line
No one deserves to be refused medical care because the doctor is a friends with their ex-husband
No one deserves to have their child be turned so against them they cry themselves to sleep
No one deserves to be ridiculed and condescended for know reason
No one deserves to have mail hidden from them only to be fined for not responding to the mail
No one deserves the type of unfairness that Ive had to undergo
You can be sad, you can be hurt, but you don't get to be unfair and hurtful anymore
You know why? Because I'm done. Someday you'll be done too. I hope. Deep down you know the truth. At the end of the day, only you know the pain you have caused me. Only you have to sit with the pain that's still inside you. Only you have to live with that truth, not me.
I have chosen to let the pain go. I have chosen to stop fighting and step out of the ring. I have the scars and battle wounds, and I came to terms with the truth years ago. The strength I need I have inside of me. I say this from the top of the boxing, with all of my blood sweat and tears left in the ring.....
Enough is enough.
~ASBV
Michelle was born in Hays, Kansas, where she attended Fort Hays State University, graduating Magna Cum Laude in 1998. Michelle joined the firm in 1999 as a law clerk. She clerked with the firm until she graduated with Dean’s Honors from Washburn University School of Law in 2001. She has been a partner with the firm since 2004. Michelle is admitted to practice before the state and federal courts of Kansas, and she is a member of the Kansas Bar Association (KBA) and the Topeka Bar Association (TBA). Michelle received the TBA’s Outstanding Young Lawyer of the Year Award in 2005, after serving as President of the TBA’s Young Lawyers Division. She has been on the Board of Directors of the Women Attorneys Association of Topeka and on the TBA’s Board of Directors. She is currently serving a second term on the Executive Board of the Sam A. Crow American Inns of Court. Michelle also is on the Shawnee County Family Law Committee, Shawnee County Guidelines Committee and serves as a mentor in the TBA mentoring Program. Michelle’s practice focuses on Family Law issues that include divorce, child custody, child support, parenting time disputes, and paternity. Her practice also includes adoptions, guardianships and conservatorships.
